Wednesday, December 17, 2008

A bit of writing: henchmen benefits

There's this thing that I'm helping to write. Explaining what it's for would take too long, so I'm just going to post this draft of a scene-let that I wrote because it will be funnier if I don't take time to explain it.

It's a bit rough and needs polishing, but I found it amusing.
Villain Henchperson 1: Ugh. I thought today would never end.

2 - Good Henchperson 1: Oh? What happened?

3 - Villain Henchperson 2: Some heroes invaded the base today. Mr. Dastardly fought them off, but it threw our afternoon schedule all to hell.

4 - Villain Henchperson 1: Don’t complain! You got to sneak off. I got killed early on in the fight and had to lie there the whole time, since some jackass was standing right on top of me.

5 - Good Henchperson 2: Oh, you were there then. We weren’t sure if it was your shift.

6 - Villain Henchperson 1: I didn’t realize you got a new job already. So you two are henching for good now?

7 - Good Henchperson 1: Well they call us sidekicks, but yeah. It’s basically the same thing. Plus we’re allowed to keep our membership in the Henchman’s Union.

8 - Good Henchperson 2: I doubt you would have seen us. The hero we got assigned to isn’t a very good one – The Scarlet Pimple.

9 - Villain Henchperson 2: Ouch. That sounds pretty horrific.

10 - Villain Henchperson 1: Hey, I remember that guy. So that’s why Mr. Dastardly kept making cracks about needing a bathroom mirror.

11 - Good Henchperson 1: Talk about lame. Anyway, you guys are lucky. The sidekick uniforms are pretty terrible.

12 - Good Henchperson 2: And the benefits aren’t as good as they were with villainy either.

13 - Villain Henchperson 2: Well it’s not like you need all that supplemental coverage working for the heroes. I mean, you don’t exactly need to worry about if your Wrongful Maiming and Dismemberment policy is comprehensive enough when you’re henching for good.

14 - Good Henchperson 1: Yeah, well at least you have a comprehensive policy. Our Maiming and Dismemberment policy only covers accidental maiming.

< Spy Henchperson 1 enters, sits down >

15 - Spy Henchperson 1: Hey, guys. How was the raid on the base today?

16 - Good Henchperson 2: Oh, hi, Spy Henchperson 1. Figures that you would have heard about it already.

17 - Spy Henchperson 1: One of the perks of working for the spies. Plus… < gloatingly holds up an iPhone > We all get iPhones!

18 - Good Henchperson 2: Man, spies get all the coolest gadgets.

19 - Villain Henchperson 1: Hey, while we’re on the subject… What are the benefits like henching for the spies?

20 - Spy Henchperson 1: The benefits are okay. I mean, the supplemental health and drug coverage is really good. But we don’t have vision or dental. We do get perks, like access to gadgets, but you have to take it as a given that you’re being spied on 24/7.

21 - Good Henchperson 1: Bummer.

22 - Spy Henchperson 1: Yeah. It makes it a little hard to have a real love life unless you’re dating another spy.

23 - Good Henchperson 2: Hey, is it true that spies get free daycare?

24 - Spy Henchperson 1: Yeah, they just started it. It’s pretty cool, they even have an app for your iPhone that lets you check in on your kids on the spy cameras installed in the day care.

25 - Villain Henchperson 2: Well hey, it’s not like working for villainy is such a raw deal. I mean, we don’t get iPhones or free daycare. But we pretty much get to break any law we feel like.

26 - Villain Henchperson 1: And since our bosses all want to take over the world, we don’t get taxes taken out of our paychecks.

27 - Villain Henchperson 2: Oh, and the rates for RSP matching are really nice too.

28 - Good Henchperson 1: That does it. When my contract runs out, I’m totally switching sides.

29 - Good Henchperson 2: No kidding. Good is such a raw deal. No wonder there’s almost no sidekicks. You’d have to be stupid to work for good long-term.

30 - Villain Henchperson 1: No argument there!

< find a way to end the scene, or transition bit to something else >

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